I’ve been questioning a lot of things lately; myself, my poor planning, my currently unfulfilling job, my life choices, my student loan options. I have plenty of questions and anxieties but I’m a little short on answers. So I turned to some bigger questions, about the nature of questions themselves.
Why do we ask questions? Is it purely curiosity? A desire to gain knowledge? Or maybe we want to better understand and thus control the world around us. We ask, therefore we are. We learn and so we grow. We ask questions because we seek answers and sometimes getting an answer is as simple as bothering to ask.
But back to the title of this post. What, you may ask, is my question of the day? Well, dear reader, it is a question that has been plaguing me for some time now:
“If not now, when?”
This particular question has been a veritable thorn in my side as I sit and stare at a screen for the majority of my free time and stand and stare at one during lulls at work. It constantly looks down its nose at me and asks in a patronizing voice what exactly is it that I’m waiting for, an invitation? But it has a painfully valid point. Why do I keep putting off doing all the new, fun, interesting, challenging things I know I want to do? Is it just laziness that keeps me from “living my life to the fullest” or is the cause a more worrisome one: fear? Am I afraid of changing? Or changing too fast? Where I am now sucks, but it’s a comfortable sort of unpleasant, a familiar discomfort, if you will. Perhaps what I’m really scared of is that if I change things too much, too quickly, I’ll end up worse off than I am now. I’ll be presented with pain, and heartbreak, and suffering. But is a life of minor aches really any better than a world of pain? Is putting off something I might deeply love really worth it in the off chance that I find out I hate it? Living in fear is not really living at all, and I definitely want to live.
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