Post 74: Can You Read Me?

If your life was a book, how would it read?
If the story of you was told with words and pages, what would it be about? Would it be pulp fiction? Nonfiction? Action? Comedy? Romance? Would it be a self-help five-step wonder-guide or perhaps more of a reflective memoir? Would it be factual or fantasy? Would it be interesting?

It’s probably just my nerdy copywriter brain, but I think about this often. I wonder if my book would be all of my tweets compiled into an ironic coffee table book of late-millennial-musings. Or maybe it would be the biography of an obscure hero, mostly lost to history. That book would be written, of course, by one like myself; who takes notice of those not in the limelight, but running the show from backstage. Maybe it would be a choose-your-own-adventure like the cheeky “autobiography” by Neil Patrick Harris. I think I’d definitely want the book of me to be at least kind of funny. (Wow, if that isn’t a hopeful self-characterization. “Hi, I’m at least kind of funny.”) But I guess the real question here is deeper than my game of “what if” during a perusal of the sections in my local Barnes & Noble, it’s actually asking:

“What do I want to be remembered for?”

And honestly folks, that’s a pretty damn relevant question for an aspiring professional trying to find her place. The answer to that question will in a lot of ways shape the twists and turns that my career path will take because it asks who I eventually want to become. What will people remember about the person I become in a decade? What will my peers recollect about me years from now? What they think of when I come to mind? What impression did I leave? Was I hardworking? Creative? Kind? Did I make people smile and laugh? Did I put them at ease by creating a safe space? Did I help when they needed it? Was I a leader?
I hope the impression was positive overall, but I’ll probably never really know. That doesn’t mean asking myself what kind of person people see me as isn’t an important exercise. Because, whether I think about it or not, my actions do affect my results. And I take my behavior seriously because I understand that it impacts those around me here and now but it can also hurt my chances for things down the line. If ten years from now an old group project partner is in charge of recruiting somewhere, and all they remember about me is how much our project sucked, then I’m definitely not going to get the job. That’s not okay. I want to be a good person now because it’s the right thing, and because it’s an investment in my future opportunities.

But back to the question, I want to be remembered for…the things I endeavor to be. Generous with my time. Kind to those who are often overlooked. Collaborative and creative and passionate. Open to new experiences. Thirsty for knowledge. Ready to learn. Accepting of criticism. These are the traits I strive for and want to be admired for. Characterizations of a woman slightly better than I am, but one I aspire to embody.
I want to be remembered for always trying to improve. Never giving up. Being smart and fearless and above all honest. Because I make mistakes, just like everyone else. I don’t know everything. But the first step of understanding something new is admitting that you don’t already know. So yeah, I want to be the person who asks the stupid question because she needs the answer in order to not be stupid anymore. I want to make sure that we are on the same page and that means communication, not assuming or bluffing, just unpretentiously asking.

So maybe my book will just be a list of all the questions I’ve ever asked. Because my dad taught me that if you never ask, the answer is always no. And that a desire to know is never a bad thing. Maybe that’s why I’ve had former supervisors remember me for my “HEALTHY curiosity” when I was never hesitant to ask “why?” sixteen times every day. Because I wanted to know. I had the desire to learn and understand. That’s why the book of me will be a book of questions, and I’ll call it “Out of Curiosity” because that is the answer I give to every sarcastic mimic in response when I repeatedly inquire about pretty much everything. Why do I ask? Out of curiosity.
I like that. It has a circularity to it. A nod to where this all started: a fun, offbeat class called curiousness where I honed my creativity and started writing this very blog. Can you read me?