Part of the process of improvement can sometimes, paradoxically, be a period of no progress.
There are moments in life when the best thing you can do is…nothing.
Maybe you put your career on hold because of an unexpected family emergency (or brand new family member, I get it, childcare is crazy expensive). Maybe you took a break from school to focus on your mental health. Maybe you stepped away from an emotionally exhausting friendship to relearn empathy. And recharging from a draining stretch at work can be essential to avoiding the very legitimate threat of burnout which has been shown in studies to impact productivity and creativity.
Taking a moment to step back, stand still, and evaluate movement towards your goals can also be vital to maintaining motivation and adjusting your strategies as needed.
Western, and particularly American culture can definitely demonize people who actually take breaks when they need them because “you just have to try harder” and I think that is a w i d e l o a d of utter bullshit. We are all workaholics. We were taught that the road to success is traveled by gritting your teeth and hiking more miles than you thought you could, on tired, sore feet. The learned tactic is just put your head down and #PowerThroughIt. Everyone loves to show how “on the grind” they are… even as it’s grinding away their passion, energy, and human dignity. And the worst part? It’s a lie. Meritocracy is a fallacy and the system is rigged. If I had a dollar for every “self-made” millionaire who actually inherited their fortune (along with the privilege of being ignorant enough to truly believe they made their own way), I would be well on my way to being as wealthy as they are.
Because the hard truth is: working harder is not always the answer— or even an option. The American Dream is a powerful narrative, but people old enough to remember living through any number of recent crises know that it is fake. Owning a house is a poor measure of success when the cost of housing has so far exceeded the rate of wage increases in the last decade. We are, of course, bound to fail —the bar has been set impossibly high. Our grandparents —and maybe even our parents– had far fewer hurdles, and often times subsidized help, yet we are somehow expected to easily achieve the same level of success? Lazy is the last word I would use to describe my age group, and yet we are looked down upon because we have inherited a rigged game that we are expected to play and somehow win. We should try instead to focus on pursuing fulfillment, rather than someone else’s definition of victory.
Now, I can tell you firsthand that when you’re desperate for change, the quiet torture of pausing can be quite maddening. Rest can feel more draining than work when you’re anxious to make progress. Waiting is stressful! But frankly, patience is a vital skill that we could probably all benefit from attempting more often. I’m not saying it’s an easy undertaking. Some days I feel like a zen master; others, a bored and inattentive 8-year-old. Patience requires practice, like any other character trait worth having.
So take a moment, stop and catch your breath. Maybe just spend a day “buffering” if you can, and remind yourself why you bother in the first place. Good things will come to those who wait.
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