Category: growth

Post 82: Critique Is An Opportunity (AKA What Can Happen When A Job Isn’t A Good Fit)

creativity, growth, jobs

Do critical comments belong in the workplace?

This is a question I recently had to confront when my now former employer repeatedly took issue with posts I made on LinkedIn. I most recently posted regarding the Black Lives Matter movement, seeing it not as a political stance but a moral one, and therefore I could not equitably remain silent about oppression, even in “professional” spaces. I also previously posted a reflection of an experience I had in the workplace that left me frustrated and disheartened. I was careful in my wording, because there was a social media policy that I made sure not to violate, but that was not enough. HR came to me and asked me to remove the posts because they were “negative” and did not paint our client in a flattering light. 

Now, I’m not naive, I do understand the need to not bite the hand that feeds me, but it made me think…. should I, as an employee, be allowed to advocate for (in this metaphor) more nutritious food when it is available? The squeaky wheel is the one that gets the oil, after all. And calling out your employees when they share their passion for change and a craving for improvement seems a bit …problematic to me.

I will openly admit that I’m not as tactful as the company would have liked, I am blunt and score lower than average in “Agreeability” on a Big Five personality test. I care more about the things I say than what other people think of me, especially when I’m talking about things that are important to me. That did not align well with the much more mild-mannered ways of my colleagues. But when the automatic response to a bluntly worded but valid critique is silencing the critical voice for the sake of appearances —instead of addressing the issue it spoke up about— our priorities as an employee and employer are fundamentally misaligned. Cutting off voices that are raised about workplace concerns does not help the ‘appearance’ you are trying to maintain as an organization, it actually does the exact opposite. What’s more damning: admitting there is a problem so that it can be resolved, or hiding the problem and denying the presence of anything needing resolution? It’s an eerily similar dichotomy that I have seen playing out on a large scale recently: blind nationalism- saying your country is the best and can do no wrong; versus critical patriotism- loving your country, but acknowledging it has issues and striving to resolve them. One is toxic ignorance, the other is a change mindset.

But back to my original question, do critical feelings belong in a professional space? In the mind of that employer, my words had the power to infect an illusion they had built. They had negative value, they dealt damage like a weapon with a high roll in an RPG. My opinion was not complimentary, so it was dangerous by default. That is a unsustainable mindset for an organization to adopt, that can breed toxicity in the workplace.

So then what is a “nontoxic” company to do? After all, here I am pointing a finger at the wrong way to do things; so what do I think is the right way? Well, reflection and evaluation, for starters. That change mindset I mentioned earlier is a great springboard here. Look at your organization, examine your culture, are there any of the red flags Forbes listed here in your workplace? If so, what is the strategy for addressing them? Are you asking for employee input in this process? Are you listening to employee input? Critiques in general are not negative, and I hopefully won’t be the first to say that all criticism can be constructive, if you actually chose to reflect on it and implement reforms based on critical feedback.

A critique is not an insult, it is an opportunity for improvement.

I had this quote emblazoned on my wall at eye level back when I was actually working in the office, and I thoroughly stand by it. I will be putting it up wherever I end up working next. Because I want to know when I am wrong! I will inevitably be wrong, likely quite often, and when I am, I want to be called out. You can’t address gaps in knowledge if you aren’t aware they even exist. I’m not arrogant enough to assume I will be shooting a bullseye every time, or even most of the time. That’s why I want people who are smarter than I am to correct me when I miss the mark, so that next time my aim will be a little bit better. That wasn’t how my company operated though. There wasn’t feedback (good or bad) in real time. Issues were recorded to be addressed later, not in the moment or even at regular intervals. There wasn’t a channel for that valuable two-way conversation.

One of the most frustrating things about the workplace incident I first posted about was that I identified my concerns directly and in-person before posting. I offered thoughtful suggestions that could be implemented to improve the situation in the future, but my advice fell on deaf ears; leadership was not interested in changing something that “wasn’t broken” and that’s exactly what creates a toxic workplace. Employees who identify problems and enthusiastically offer solutions but are ignored…will not stay enthusiastic for very long. They will either give up and become bitter, or they will leave. Because it is a fight they can never win, and I don’t know about you, but I don’t like impossible odds. I need a fighting chance; most employees do. So I left. It wasn’t the way I wanted to leave, and I have to come to terms with that. But it was mutual, because at the end of the day, I didn’t fit in a space where a soft tone of voice was more important than progress. Movers and Shakers get called that because they rock the boat, and now I know: I need to find a place where people aren’t afraid of making a few waves.

Post 81: In Hot Pursuit of Happiness

feels, growth, jobs

Why do we do things that don’t make us happy?

I’ve definitely boarded the Marie Kondo train here, but hear me out; why do we do things that don’t bring us joy, and often even make us unhappy? I don’t just mean the petty annoyances like a particularly long commute or coworkers who talk too loud around us, everyone has those sometimes. I’m talking about profoundly miserable I-wake-up-in-dread-because-I-hate-what-I-do unhappiness.

I know that I, for one, justify having a job I vehemently dislike with phrases like “the job security is nice” and “well the pay isn’t bad” but, here’s the thing: that rationale doesn’t stand up against thorough logical examination. Between the fact that there is no such thing as job security in the current climate of at-will employment and the reality that most pay increases are gained via the so-called “disloyalty bonus”; the truth is that staying doesn’t serve my career. Plus, if I spend all of the time when I’m not working complaining or stressing about work, I’m unhappy all the time, not just during business hours —my quality of life is impacted. The time off that the job I hate affords me is tainted by it. Staying in a position I hate is counterproductive!

Now I know this is a relatively new concept. Popular advice has not kept up with common practice, and every baby boomer who has never considered switching jobs will tell you that young people “want too much” out of a career. What gives?

My guess is that fulfillment and satisfaction on the job were simply not objectives for older generations in the workforce. They don’t care about the work they do, they don’t need to, they just want to put in their time and eventually retire. As the retirement episode of the fantastic and painfully relatable Bad With Money podcast so succinctly points out: the retirement model is based on the premise that you want to escape from your awful day job as soon as you can feasibly afford to leave! Work is the thing people do to make money so that eventually they won’t have to work. That seems pretty backwards to me.

I save for retirement because….well I dunno, that’s just what people do, right?

I also save because I’m scared. I need the safety net. Growing up with unreliable financial security has made me overly cautious when it comes to risking my financial stability. Funny how no one talks about the way your parents’ financial situation will impact your mindset for the rest of your life. We all learn how to handle money by watching our parents, and financial health is just as easily inherited from them as our eating habits. And, just like with our nutrition, unless we take the initiative to become financially literate and learn better habits, we will continue the cycle of being unhealthy.

If you’re like me, you had a moment of realization when your dad said “no one ever taught me how to manage money”  because—same— who else would have taught me? But here’s the thing, I learned. I taught myself. Because ignorance is NOT bliss when it comes to your credit score. Ignoring your bank account as if it’s a pot of water like the idiom says…won’t raise the balance any more than it will speed up the time it takes for water to boil. I used to do that, I would know. Wilful ignorance does nothing but harm your financial health in the long run!

I will now take this opportunity to viciously attack a pervasive misconception, so listen up. Ahem.

Checking your credit report or score DOES NOT have ANY effect on your number. I’ll say it louder for the people in the back, just in case they didn’t catch that the first time: CHECKING. YOUR. OWN. CREDIT. SCORE. WILL. NEVER. LOWER. IT!!

Just think about it for a second, it makes absolutely no sense to penalize someone for inquiring about their own finances. You have every right to know that, and all of the credit reporting bureaus are required to provide you your own full credit report for free once a year, so just ask! You have no excuse not to know what is on your credit report (not to mention it will help you catch/prevent identity theft and fraud). And in case you just want that number, here are 8 places to get your FICO credit score for free; which goes without saying that most credit card companies will provide their customers with free monthly credit score information as well.

End of PSA.

Knowing how your creditworthiness is evaluated and what that value is are the first steps towards developing better financial health, they are your diagnosis. The next step is harder— and less free. A ‘financial health treatment plan’ involves figuring out where your money is going so you can improve your spending habits. A hard look at your finances can be rough, and leave you feeling overwhelmed and poor AF. But, examining your behaviors and hangups with money is imperative to retraining yourself to have a more responsible mindset.

And yeah, it definitely sucks, y’all. I have some pretty heavy baggage when it comes to money. My feelings are ugly and deeply rooted in fear, shame, and guilt. I’m not the only one, of course; mental health is inextricably linked to financial security, that’s why there is such a thing as financial therapists. And yeah, it’s hard to let go of a job that is making me unhappy when it’s providing a safety net that I obsessively cling to. I always have a backup plan, an exit strategy. I am so paranoid about the worst happening that I sometimes forget to enjoy the best parts of the present. I feel a need to be self-supporting, it is integral to my self-representation, and the thought of losing that freedom and being forced to be wholly dependent on someone else completely terrifies me. Because it’s vulnerable, it’s dangerous, and there’s a risk of getting hurt by the people I lean on. But total self-reliance creates a lot of pressure not to fail. It can prevent you from taking risks on your passions because you’re always worried about the worst case scenario. It’s easy to feel like you have to go it alone, but that mindset is a trap— don’t fall into it.

I repeatedly have to remind myself that I have tons of support and encouragement from my chosen tribe of humans, all I have to do is ask for help when I need it. Not to mention the pleasure I derive from the accomplishments of people that I care for. There’s even a term for the happiness I experience from the success of others; it is मुदिता (mudita) in Sanskrit, and one of the four brahma-vihāra (sublime spiritual states) in Theravada Buddhism. The approximate English translation is empathetic or vicarious joy, an emotion that is felt unselfishly, without jealousy or begrudgery. The pure happiness felt in sharing the joy of others feels to me like succumbing to contagious laughter among close friends. I can’t help but be happy for them, and with them. They likewise cheer me on when I seek my own happiness, and advocate for me when I forget to do so. I find joy in seeing those I love happy, and they remind me to pursue my own satisfaction. I’m incredibly blessed to have my own community of awesome motivators and champions and associates and mentors who are invested in my success, I just forget that I deserve to pursue my happiness sometimes; I think we all do. So if you’re unhappy right now, I’m here for you —I’m here with you— and most importantly, I’m here to say:

You deserve better. You deserve to be happy.

Also, go check your credit score. Right now. Seriously.

Post 79: Nothing to Be Ashamed Of

growth

Everyone has embarassing moments.

I know, insight of the century, right?

But it seems like we always pretend to have everything figured out, like we’ve never accidentally used the wrong soap in the dishwasher and created a bubble disaster all over the dorm communal kitchen. Oh, that was just me? Uh, move along then.
That’s my point though, we don’t own up to our embarrassments if we can help it. We cringe so hard at the memory of doing that ridiculously cheesy thing for an ex who, let’s be real, did not really earn that level of effort. We try not to think about painfully awkward things we’ve done or said; you know, the ones that pop into your head when you’re trying to fall asleep at night. We attempt to forget about those regrettable moments; there’s literally hundreds of songs about it, usually involving copious alcohol consumption (spoiler, it doesn’t work).

I think we should try leaning in to our past even if it’s embarassing. While embarassment is socially and mentally useful, we don’t have to let those mixed feelings of silliness and shame define us, or worse, keep us from doing good things in the present. Part of our story is who we used to be, and I think we can learn a lot from our former selves.

Maybe you used to be an obsessive fangirl for ~that one band~, but now you hide all their memorabilia in a box under your bed and skip those songs when they come up on shuffle. Why hide that part of your past? Just own it! It’s part of your origin story now. I, for one, am kind of jealous of the fanatics. I’ve never been that level of passionate about anything. I know a little about a lot, but I’ve never had the motivation to know everything about a single topic. I’ve never lost my shit over a season finale. I’ve never stayed up all night for an iPhone release. I’ve never memorized a set list or been overjoyed about “my team” winning a championship game. Not to imply in any way that I am somehow better than the people who have done those things, that stuff takes a lot of time, energy, and dedication. I have a few dozen causal interests but not enough dedication to call myself a fangirl of anything.
Now, there are totally still things I’ve done that I look back on with chagrin; but I don’t see the point of trying to hide them. They are ghosts, not skeletons I’ve stuffed in a closet. I have been angsty and melodramatic online. I have been wrong. I have lost arguments. I have changed my mind, and changed it again. I’ve tried out wildly different styles and personas. I stood by them at the time, so what if they aren’t “me” anymore? I have an aggressively cheerful intro video posted on a college ‘Class Of’ Facebook page somewhere. Am I going to troll back through my social media footprint to find and delete it? Nope. Because it’s a representation of who I was at the time, or more accurately, who I wanted to be. And there’s something very Zen about acknowledging what I think of as previous editions of myself, they were part of my journey to my current identity, and I am thankful for them. I am reinventing myself all the time, and that’s perfectly okay. There’s a passage from Self Reliance that I always come back to, that I think represents this idea perfectly:

“A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall. Speak what you think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day.”

So you’re a different person today than you were yesterday, or last week, or ten years ago; so what? In fith grade I wore unironically pink tinted eyeglasses that I KNEW were the raddest thing ever, and bless my parents for letting me make my own choices, even when they weren’t terribly sound. I changed my stance on that particular fashion statement, thankfully. I stopped seeing things through literal rose-colored lenses… and no one really cared! That’s part of growing and growing up. I would be worried if that weren’t the case, it would mean that we have done nothing that challenged our thinking or allowed room for personal growth or development. So don’t sweat it, everyone gets redfaced once in a while. But acknowledging when you were misinformed, or young and rash, or unprofessional? That’s nothing to be ashamed of.