Category: jobs

Post 82: Critique Is An Opportunity (AKA What Can Happen When A Job Isn’t A Good Fit)

creativity, growth, jobs

Do critical comments belong in the workplace?

This is a question I recently had to confront when my now former employer repeatedly took issue with posts I made on LinkedIn. I most recently posted regarding the Black Lives Matter movement, seeing it not as a political stance but a moral one, and therefore I could not equitably remain silent about oppression, even in “professional” spaces. I also previously posted a reflection of an experience I had in the workplace that left me frustrated and disheartened. I was careful in my wording, because there was a social media policy that I made sure not to violate, but that was not enough. HR came to me and asked me to remove the posts because they were “negative” and did not paint our client in a flattering light. 

Now, I’m not naive, I do understand the need to not bite the hand that feeds me, but it made me think…. should I, as an employee, be allowed to advocate for (in this metaphor) more nutritious food when it is available? The squeaky wheel is the one that gets the oil, after all. And calling out your employees when they share their passion for change and a craving for improvement seems a bit …problematic to me.

I will openly admit that I’m not as tactful as the company would have liked, I am blunt and score lower than average in “Agreeability” on a Big Five personality test. I care more about the things I say than what other people think of me, especially when I’m talking about things that are important to me. That did not align well with the much more mild-mannered ways of my colleagues. But when the automatic response to a bluntly worded but valid critique is silencing the critical voice for the sake of appearances —instead of addressing the issue it spoke up about— our priorities as an employee and employer are fundamentally misaligned. Cutting off voices that are raised about workplace concerns does not help the ‘appearance’ you are trying to maintain as an organization, it actually does the exact opposite. What’s more damning: admitting there is a problem so that it can be resolved, or hiding the problem and denying the presence of anything needing resolution? It’s an eerily similar dichotomy that I have seen playing out on a large scale recently: blind nationalism- saying your country is the best and can do no wrong; versus critical patriotism- loving your country, but acknowledging it has issues and striving to resolve them. One is toxic ignorance, the other is a change mindset.

But back to my original question, do critical feelings belong in a professional space? In the mind of that employer, my words had the power to infect an illusion they had built. They had negative value, they dealt damage like a weapon with a high roll in an RPG. My opinion was not complimentary, so it was dangerous by default. That is a unsustainable mindset for an organization to adopt, that can breed toxicity in the workplace.

So then what is a “nontoxic” company to do? After all, here I am pointing a finger at the wrong way to do things; so what do I think is the right way? Well, reflection and evaluation, for starters. That change mindset I mentioned earlier is a great springboard here. Look at your organization, examine your culture, are there any of the red flags Forbes listed here in your workplace? If so, what is the strategy for addressing them? Are you asking for employee input in this process? Are you listening to employee input? Critiques in general are not negative, and I hopefully won’t be the first to say that all criticism can be constructive, if you actually chose to reflect on it and implement reforms based on critical feedback.

A critique is not an insult, it is an opportunity for improvement.

I had this quote emblazoned on my wall at eye level back when I was actually working in the office, and I thoroughly stand by it. I will be putting it up wherever I end up working next. Because I want to know when I am wrong! I will inevitably be wrong, likely quite often, and when I am, I want to be called out. You can’t address gaps in knowledge if you aren’t aware they even exist. I’m not arrogant enough to assume I will be shooting a bullseye every time, or even most of the time. That’s why I want people who are smarter than I am to correct me when I miss the mark, so that next time my aim will be a little bit better. That wasn’t how my company operated though. There wasn’t feedback (good or bad) in real time. Issues were recorded to be addressed later, not in the moment or even at regular intervals. There wasn’t a channel for that valuable two-way conversation.

One of the most frustrating things about the workplace incident I first posted about was that I identified my concerns directly and in-person before posting. I offered thoughtful suggestions that could be implemented to improve the situation in the future, but my advice fell on deaf ears; leadership was not interested in changing something that “wasn’t broken” and that’s exactly what creates a toxic workplace. Employees who identify problems and enthusiastically offer solutions but are ignored…will not stay enthusiastic for very long. They will either give up and become bitter, or they will leave. Because it is a fight they can never win, and I don’t know about you, but I don’t like impossible odds. I need a fighting chance; most employees do. So I left. It wasn’t the way I wanted to leave, and I have to come to terms with that. But it was mutual, because at the end of the day, I didn’t fit in a space where a soft tone of voice was more important than progress. Movers and Shakers get called that because they rock the boat, and now I know: I need to find a place where people aren’t afraid of making a few waves.

Post 81: In Hot Pursuit of Happiness

feels, growth, jobs

Why do we do things that don’t make us happy?

I’ve definitely boarded the Marie Kondo train here, but hear me out; why do we do things that don’t bring us joy, and often even make us unhappy? I don’t just mean the petty annoyances like a particularly long commute or coworkers who talk too loud around us, everyone has those sometimes. I’m talking about profoundly miserable I-wake-up-in-dread-because-I-hate-what-I-do unhappiness.

I know that I, for one, justify having a job I vehemently dislike with phrases like “the job security is nice” and “well the pay isn’t bad” but, here’s the thing: that rationale doesn’t stand up against thorough logical examination. Between the fact that there is no such thing as job security in the current climate of at-will employment and the reality that most pay increases are gained via the so-called “disloyalty bonus”; the truth is that staying doesn’t serve my career. Plus, if I spend all of the time when I’m not working complaining or stressing about work, I’m unhappy all the time, not just during business hours —my quality of life is impacted. The time off that the job I hate affords me is tainted by it. Staying in a position I hate is counterproductive!

Now I know this is a relatively new concept. Popular advice has not kept up with common practice, and every baby boomer who has never considered switching jobs will tell you that young people “want too much” out of a career. What gives?

My guess is that fulfillment and satisfaction on the job were simply not objectives for older generations in the workforce. They don’t care about the work they do, they don’t need to, they just want to put in their time and eventually retire. As the retirement episode of the fantastic and painfully relatable Bad With Money podcast so succinctly points out: the retirement model is based on the premise that you want to escape from your awful day job as soon as you can feasibly afford to leave! Work is the thing people do to make money so that eventually they won’t have to work. That seems pretty backwards to me.

I save for retirement because….well I dunno, that’s just what people do, right?

I also save because I’m scared. I need the safety net. Growing up with unreliable financial security has made me overly cautious when it comes to risking my financial stability. Funny how no one talks about the way your parents’ financial situation will impact your mindset for the rest of your life. We all learn how to handle money by watching our parents, and financial health is just as easily inherited from them as our eating habits. And, just like with our nutrition, unless we take the initiative to become financially literate and learn better habits, we will continue the cycle of being unhealthy.

If you’re like me, you had a moment of realization when your dad said “no one ever taught me how to manage money”  because—same— who else would have taught me? But here’s the thing, I learned. I taught myself. Because ignorance is NOT bliss when it comes to your credit score. Ignoring your bank account as if it’s a pot of water like the idiom says…won’t raise the balance any more than it will speed up the time it takes for water to boil. I used to do that, I would know. Wilful ignorance does nothing but harm your financial health in the long run!

I will now take this opportunity to viciously attack a pervasive misconception, so listen up. Ahem.

Checking your credit report or score DOES NOT have ANY effect on your number. I’ll say it louder for the people in the back, just in case they didn’t catch that the first time: CHECKING. YOUR. OWN. CREDIT. SCORE. WILL. NEVER. LOWER. IT!!

Just think about it for a second, it makes absolutely no sense to penalize someone for inquiring about their own finances. You have every right to know that, and all of the credit reporting bureaus are required to provide you your own full credit report for free once a year, so just ask! You have no excuse not to know what is on your credit report (not to mention it will help you catch/prevent identity theft and fraud). And in case you just want that number, here are 8 places to get your FICO credit score for free; which goes without saying that most credit card companies will provide their customers with free monthly credit score information as well.

End of PSA.

Knowing how your creditworthiness is evaluated and what that value is are the first steps towards developing better financial health, they are your diagnosis. The next step is harder— and less free. A ‘financial health treatment plan’ involves figuring out where your money is going so you can improve your spending habits. A hard look at your finances can be rough, and leave you feeling overwhelmed and poor AF. But, examining your behaviors and hangups with money is imperative to retraining yourself to have a more responsible mindset.

And yeah, it definitely sucks, y’all. I have some pretty heavy baggage when it comes to money. My feelings are ugly and deeply rooted in fear, shame, and guilt. I’m not the only one, of course; mental health is inextricably linked to financial security, that’s why there is such a thing as financial therapists. And yeah, it’s hard to let go of a job that is making me unhappy when it’s providing a safety net that I obsessively cling to. I always have a backup plan, an exit strategy. I am so paranoid about the worst happening that I sometimes forget to enjoy the best parts of the present. I feel a need to be self-supporting, it is integral to my self-representation, and the thought of losing that freedom and being forced to be wholly dependent on someone else completely terrifies me. Because it’s vulnerable, it’s dangerous, and there’s a risk of getting hurt by the people I lean on. But total self-reliance creates a lot of pressure not to fail. It can prevent you from taking risks on your passions because you’re always worried about the worst case scenario. It’s easy to feel like you have to go it alone, but that mindset is a trap— don’t fall into it.

I repeatedly have to remind myself that I have tons of support and encouragement from my chosen tribe of humans, all I have to do is ask for help when I need it. Not to mention the pleasure I derive from the accomplishments of people that I care for. There’s even a term for the happiness I experience from the success of others; it is मुदिता (mudita) in Sanskrit, and one of the four brahma-vihāra (sublime spiritual states) in Theravada Buddhism. The approximate English translation is empathetic or vicarious joy, an emotion that is felt unselfishly, without jealousy or begrudgery. The pure happiness felt in sharing the joy of others feels to me like succumbing to contagious laughter among close friends. I can’t help but be happy for them, and with them. They likewise cheer me on when I seek my own happiness, and advocate for me when I forget to do so. I find joy in seeing those I love happy, and they remind me to pursue my own satisfaction. I’m incredibly blessed to have my own community of awesome motivators and champions and associates and mentors who are invested in my success, I just forget that I deserve to pursue my happiness sometimes; I think we all do. So if you’re unhappy right now, I’m here for you —I’m here with you— and most importantly, I’m here to say:

You deserve better. You deserve to be happy.

Also, go check your credit score. Right now. Seriously.

Post 80: Hurry Up and Wait

burnout, creativity, feels, jobs

Part of the process of improvement can sometimes, paradoxically, be a period of no progress.

There are moments in life when the best thing you can do is…nothing.

Maybe you put your career on hold because of an unexpected family emergency (or brand new family member, I get it, childcare is crazy expensive). Maybe you took a break from school to focus on your mental health. Maybe you stepped away from an emotionally exhausting friendship to relearn empathy. And recharging from a draining stretch at work can be essential to avoiding the very legitimate threat of burnout which has been shown in studies to impact productivity and creativity.

Taking a moment to step back, stand still, and evaluate movement towards your goals can also be vital to maintaining motivation and adjusting your strategies as needed.

Western, and particularly American culture can definitely demonize people who actually take breaks when they need them because “you just have to try harder” and I think that is a w i d e  l o a d of utter bullshit. We are all workaholics. We were taught that the road to success is traveled by gritting your teeth and hiking more miles than you thought you could, on tired, sore feet. The learned tactic is just put your head down and #PowerThroughIt. Everyone loves to show how “on the grind” they are… even as it’s grinding away their passion, energy, and human dignity. And the worst part? It’s a lie. Meritocracy is a fallacy and the system is rigged. If I had a dollar for every “self-made” millionaire who actually inherited their fortune (along with the privilege of being ignorant enough to truly believe they made their own way), I would be well on my way to being as wealthy as they are.

Because the hard truth is: working harder is not always the answer— or even an option. The American Dream is a powerful narrative, but people old enough to remember living through any number of recent crises know that it is fake. Owning a house is a poor measure of success when the cost of housing has so far exceeded the rate of wage increases in the last decade. We are, of course, bound to fail —the bar has been set impossibly high. Our grandparents —and maybe even our parents– had far fewer hurdles, and often times subsidized help, yet we are somehow expected to easily achieve the same level of success? Lazy is the last word I would use to describe my age group, and yet we are looked down upon because we have inherited a rigged game that we are expected to play and somehow win. We should try instead to focus on pursuing fulfillment, rather than someone else’s definition of victory.

Now, I can tell you firsthand that when you’re desperate for change, the quiet torture of pausing can be quite maddening. Rest can feel more draining than work when you’re anxious to make progress. Waiting is stressful! But frankly, patience is a vital skill that we could probably all benefit from attempting more often. I’m not saying it’s an easy undertaking. Some days I feel like a zen master; others, a bored and inattentive 8-year-old. Patience requires practice, like any other character trait worth having.

So take a moment, stop and catch your breath. Maybe just spend a day “buffering”  if you can, and remind yourself why you bother in the first place. Good things will come to those who wait.

Post 76: I Don’t Know (Yet)

jobs

Ah, good ol’ undergrad.
We definitely tend to romanticize our time in college, don’t we?

Those four-ish years were an intense and formative time in most people’s lives so it’s no real surprise that looking back we get a little wistful. Wasn’t it just a blast, that magically carefree space between childhood and adulthood? Wishing for that back is tempting. We miss the easy friendships-of-convenience, the abundant opportunities to explore new interests, the freedom and independence, the electric excitement at the big game, even the bittersweet end of a semester. Oddly, we often simply gloss over the education part of the collegiate experience.

Learning was the whole point though, right?
Yet we almost instantly forget the fact that mastering a new skill or subject is hard work. The strenuous mental labor involved in creating new synaptic pathways fades rapidly from the fond memories of our time in school.

Learning is a chore, not a walk in the park. Anyone who has tried taking up a new language or hobby as an adult can attest to that. Beginning a new skill tree is fun at the offset but the endeavor ultimately sucks. Because beginners suck. Neophytes have to start somewhere, and it’s usually at the bottom bracket. Months of grueling mediocrity come before mastery, if mastery is even achieved at all. The sweet taste of victory is built on a foundation of willpower and repetition. We don’t get to grin from the podium before gritting our teeth through countless drills and practices.

So, while I do genuinely enjoy learning, I’d be a sucker if I expected it to be effortless.
I’m a work in progress—and that progress can be slow. The grinding pace might feel very arduous when noticeable improvement is incremental. My goals seem impossibly far away some days and I get frustrated by my personal obstacles and my mercurial motivation. I sometimes forget everyone has those awkward in-between parts. The half-way-decent athlete, the almost-eloquent political aspirant; we are all going through stages of personal growth. No one is ever really done improving. I dream of becoming my ideal self, having my dream job, effortlessly writing the perfect prose. But in the meantime, I’ll admit that I can be a half-baked human bean sometimes. I won’t always know the answers or even how to find them. But not knowing is not an excuse, it’s an opportunity to ask questions.

My quest for wisdom and expertise—to scale the mountain of mastery, is a journey I am proud to be on. I hear the view from the top is awesome.
I’m not there yet, but I’m on my way.

Post 77: When Nothing Goes Right, Go Left

feels, jobs

Have you ever noticed that no one likes to talk about their struggles in the present tense?

We all like to wax poetic reflecting on the great adversity we have conquered in our lives…..after the fact. When said adversity is a skeleton in the grave, we seem so wise and experienced looking back on harder times. But no one ever talks about the current and bloody battles they face. Not unless they are joking about how “sooo broke” they are at brunch. People don’t really share their immediate insecurities about their rocky relationship. No one talks about the acute anxiety of waiting to hear back about those important lab results.
And who admits that they have to move unexpectedly because they didn’t get the job and all their freelance work dried up?

Me, I guess.
Hello everyone, my name is Elizabeth Blake and I am a failure.

Okay, maybe that’s a bit melodramatic but still. I am currently the definition of a Hot Mess™ and it sucks. As my kind and supportive big sister so insightfully put it: “your life isn’t actually over, you’re just in your twenties. Everything feels like the end of the world because you don’t have the life experience yet to know that it’s not.” And I bet she’s right, She’s pretty smart, after all. But wow, no one tells you how bad it feels to be forced to admit failure when you went on about how you were going to make it on your own. My pride still smarts from that humbling moment.

“I was wrong” is such a powerful and painful realization but it was so necessary. I’ve had to reevaluate my choices. Be vulnerable and ask for help. Change my trajectory.
Like that pun I saw on a shirt years ago says: when nothing goes right, go left.
If none of the doors you try are unlocked, change tactics; start looking for the keys!
For me, as paradoxical as it seems, admitting defeat was my first step away from a catastrophic meltdown.

So my job gamble didn’t work. I lost some money and gained some insight. Call the experience a life tax. Mistakes always cost something, that’s what we learn from, that’s what reminds us of them down the road. The shame is the proof that I am smarter now, I know better. And after all the tears and angst, at the end of the day, I know that admitting I was drowning and grabbing onto the life preserver was the right call.
It’s time to climb aboard and adjust course. But first I’ve gotta go pack.
Here’s to looking left, mates.

Post 73: Level Up

creativity, jobs

As graduation looms ever closer (11 D A Y S) I’ve been thinking more about my goals for post-grad. I have some great aspirational goals like fluency in French (25% so far!), traveling to at least one country not on this continent in the next five years, and (finally) learning to drive. I also have some financial goals like paying back my student loans as quickly as possible (very reasonable, I’m lucky to not have a ton of debt) and building myself a safety net/emergency fund (I’m about 1/3 of the way there already, yay). And finally, a somewhat cheesy personal goal: I want to finally meet my measure of adulthood, pet ownership. Yeah yeah, I know adulthood is such an objective and arbitrary standard. And what even really qualifies me to be an adult? I don’t quite know anymore, but a long-time dream of mine is to be the loving person of a French bulldog. I love dogs and I want to be a responsible owner, which means I am waiting until I have the time, money, and environment needed to make sure my dream dog will be well cared for.

The one thing all these goals have in common, besides being actually realistic, is that I am actively taking steps towards achieving them. Even if I’ve only done so by making a list of things I need to do to get closer to that goal (take passport photos, get passport, research destinations, find cheap airfare), I am always taking steps to actually accomplish the things I want to do. Because that’s the thing about goals; they’re pointless if all they become is a list of quickly forgotten New Year’s resolutions. If you have dreams, chase them! Don’t just wish for all the amazing things you want in life, work towards them. Maybe that means spending thirty minutes every day practicing conjugations, maybe that means emailing seventeen job listings every week, maybe that even means living like a college student two years into the ‘real world’ so that you can pay off your student loans in less than ten years. Then you can travel without guilt about the debts you could be paying off instead.

Honestly though, having goals isn’t some shtick so I can be better-than-thou, I do this to stay sane. I’m moving towards specific, realistic, tangible goals so that I don’t feel like I’m stagnating. I focus on my goals like milestones on the horizon. They are my point of reference that let me know I’m actually moving forward. My greatest fear is getting stuck in a rut and never getting out of it. Like that infuriating level of some video game that you can never beat and so you get trapped, unable to move on. That’s my nightmare in the game of life. A dead end job. Insurmountable debt. Failure. Those are things that keep me up at night, and straight up scare the shit out of me. So I make lists. I scratch things off and know that I’m making progress. I have my dreams to beat back the nightmares. And I follow them to outrun the fear. Don’t let your dreams slip away. Don’t let the fear win. Figure out what you want and go for it because, to quote Post 62:

“If not now, when?”