Post 55: Afterthoughts

A few things I’ve been thinking about post-posts:
So I shared the link for this blog on Facebook, which is something that both thrills and terrifies me to no end, and I got a few interesting comments (which is pretty ironic after getting so few comments during the semester). After reading every post (D:) my grandfather asked with much confusion if I had actually written them all, and if so, why was this the first time he was seeing them? I assured him that yes, I had written them all, and said I just hadn’t chosen to share them before now. He then explained his confusion to me. At some point along the way, since I wasn’t getting much feedback from teachers or classmates, I started self-critiquing my own work. Apparently this habit led to an inner dialogue that made some of my posts seem a little schizophrenic, or at the very least like two different people were involved in the process. I assured him that was not the case, I had simply begun taking the time to step away from my work and judge it the way I knew the teachers would. This clarity made it obvious to myself when I was doing quality work and when I wasn’t. I made my efforts transparent and called myself out when my stuff sucked, since no one else would.

I also found myself actually treating this as something of an actual blog, putting some of myself into each post and trying to gain something out of my process every time. I never saw these as work, they were more like working out. Some days working out sucks, other days it’s super fun, but in the end every work out is valuable in getting you in better shape. So even the posts that were rushed, or totally sucked, or the first few (that I did totally wrong and never went back to fix), all helped me gain something. I’m a better judge of my own work now. I know what to do when I’m stuck creatively. I know not to be afraid of the weird ideas. I can easily find my voice and write out my ideas coherently and eloquently. And I have this to come back to. I know that sometimes I can say incredibly wise and insightful things and then forget about them entirely so looking back can be hugely beneficial. Plus I can continue using this as a tool to funnel my creativity. That’s kind of what the directives did for me. Instead of a crazy chaotic waterfall, the directives turned my thought patterns into a series of pipelines. In the long run, being able to channel my efforts like that is priceless, forever saving me time and energy. So what I’m saying is thank you. Even though I won’t get the grade that I had hoped for back in September, the things I’ve learned in this class are much more valuable than my GPA.